how do you masturbate? 35 replies, 12640 views

Oabbey
4/7/2005 1:18:00 AM
im wondering what idiot asked this in order for these instructions to be online

Here's How:
1. Relax as much as you can. Take a warm bath or have a glass of wine. Ensure your privacy: turn off the phone, lock the door, send the kids to a neighbor's. Find a comfy position. Most women start out lying on their backs, legs bent and spread apart, with feet on the ground. Remove most or all of your clothing.

2. Fantasize. Recall an exciting past sexual encounter or elaborate on a favorite sexual fantasy. If you need a boost, look at a sexy magazine, read an erotic story, or watch an adult video. Allow your mind to explore any images--anything goes as long as it heightens your excitement.

3. Explore. Run your hands along parts of your body, lingering along areas that are more responsive to touch than others. Look at your genitals in a mirror (especially if you're unfamiliar with them) and caress the different parts to see what feels especially good. Find and touch your inner and outer labia, your clitoris, your vagina and your perineum.

4. Touch. Using one or two fingers, rhythmically stroke the different parts of your vulva, paying particular attention to your clitoris and labia. Experiment with different types of pressure, speed and motion. Try placing a finger on either side of the clitoris and stroking up and down, or placing two fingers on the clitoral hood and rubbing in a circular motion.

5. Experiment. Try different types of touch: stroke, tickle, knead, pinch, or lightly pull your genitals. Try using one or several fingers, the palm of your hand, even your knuckles.
Man is Truth
4/7/2005 1:23:00 AM
That's way more complicated than for a guy. If I were a woman, I wold welcome instruction.
the jizzler
4/7/2005 1:24:00 AM
Originally posted by:Oabbey

Look at your genitals in a mirror (especially if you're unfamiliar with them)

haha. WHAT IS THAT! WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!?!
emofacial
4/7/2005 1:27:00 AM
Originally posted by:the reacharound

Originally posted by:Oabbey

Look at your genitals in a mirror (especially if you're unfamiliar with them)

haha. WHAT IS THAT! WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!?!



lol
Hallowedbthyname
4/7/2005 1:34:00 AM
Wow...congrats on posting a completely retarded thread....again.
Smelly_Punk_Kid
4/7/2005 4:52:00 AM
........
-Jeremy-
4/7/2005 4:54:00 AM
I masturbate with a blow dryer.
nick danger
4/7/2005 4:55:00 AM
I use a moustrap and a wall socket.
Bitch_Tits
4/7/2005 4:55:00 AM
No way, it's all about the curling irons.
CARCILLOs MOLESTACHE
4/7/2005 4:57:00 AM
I stick a cucumber in my ass and fuck a toilet paper roll in between mattresses.

Wait, WHAT?
nick danger
4/7/2005 5:01:00 AM
Post pics.
Bitch_Tits
4/7/2005 5:07:00 AM
Originally posted by:GO VEGAN!

I stick a cucumber in my ass and fuck a toilet paper roll in between mattresses.

I want to see this happen.
CARCILLOs MOLESTACHE
4/7/2005 5:08:00 AM
of course you do.
Candide
4/7/2005 6:38:00 AM
oh oabbey, you suck
Katie.
4/7/2005 8:36:00 AM
you'd be amazed at how many girls dont masturbate.
GoodTimesGone
4/7/2005 10:24:00 AM
i like to masturbate in a closet while pie is cooling.
Smelly_Punk_Kid
4/7/2005 12:45:00 PM
or you take a package of bologna put it in a plastic bag... microwave for like 15 seconds. Poke hole and enjoy
Adam Grace
4/7/2005 12:49:00 PM
hahahahahaha what an awesome thread.
Eric Paradox
4/7/2005 5:34:00 PM
Lauren usually jacks me off.
ChangeTheSky
4/7/2005 5:46:00 PM
Originally posted by:SuffoKatie

you'd be amazed at how many girls dont masturbate.

You'd be even more amazed at how many DO.
CARCILLOs MOLESTACHE
4/7/2005 7:44:00 PM
Originally posted by:SuffoKatie

you'd be amazed at how many girls dont masturbate.

you'd be amazed about how many girls lie about not masturbating.
Mechanical Birds
4/7/2005 9:56:00 PM
Originally posted by:GO VEGAN!

I stick a cucumber in my ass and fuck a toilet paper roll in between mattresses.

Wait, WHAT?

hahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!
thisgirldesire
4/7/2005 10:10:00 PM
i don't masturbate near enough...
nick danger
4/7/2005 10:12:00 PM
I'm trying to reduce my sex drive to nothing. Destroy it.

I've gone long periods without that sort of thing, but I haven't been successful yet.
thisgirldesire
4/7/2005 10:22:00 PM
you would.
thisgirldesire
4/7/2005 10:28:00 PM
ooooooh nothing. *smiles*