During a group meeting, a girl in the group was talking about how she and her boyfriend got into an argument, and she shouted "fuck you" and broke some of his things. Perplexed, I asked, "You said "fuck you" to your boyfriend?". Her response to me was a withering look and this: "well Lynne...when couples ACTUALLY fight, they say things like this to each other."
Of course this was referring to how I resolve issues with my boyfriend, which is just sitting down and figuring out what the problem is. The thing is, once we do that, the issue is squashed. I have never shouted at a boyfriend ever, and i'm not sure if it's the right way to go about doing things. Of course I have felt rage towards my boyfriend before, but i've never felt the urge to yell at him or throw his things around. Does it mean my relationships are not as passionate as other's? Are open displays of rage healthy in relationships?
Lauren and I have gotten into some heated arguments that have involved yelling and things of the such. These are very rare. We are going 8 years strong so who can really say what is wrong and what is right.
Voices will get raised but there is no reason to dish out insults and throw shit. Normally we get our frustrations out and the situation is dead in 5 minutes. Then we're apologizing for acting like assholes.
If you have to resort to insulting your significant other, I think you need to question yourself or your relationship. I remember hearing a girl talk about how her boyfriend (now husband) would call her fat and what not just to win an argument. It wouldn't have anything to do with the topic but it was that type of shit that was thrown out just to win.
ive gotten into plenty of arguments with girlfriends, but ive never yelled or cursed at them. i try to date girls who dont like getting into yelling matches. it seems like some couples thrive off of fighting. also, like strickland said, its important not to bring up old painful issues. a girl (or guy) who does this obviously has much deeper seated anger from something and should be avoided at all costs.
my husband and I hardly EVER fight. and when we do, it's more like a bickering than anything.
Case in point:
The last time we bickered with each other we were talking about what kind of snack we wanted to have. We both agreed to have popcorn, but neither got up to make it. About 15 minutes later he got up to go to the bathroom. I got up to make popcorn and remembered that we had buffalo chicken dip in the fridge. I grabbed that instead and was about to eat it when he walked in and said that he was planning on taking that for lunch and that he thought we were making popcorn. I snapped back that I wanted this instead and that he was greedy for wanting the whole thing to himself when all I wanted was a little. He huffed "fine" and stormed off and I threw it back in the fridge and slammed the door shut. We both ended up on the couch at the same time empty handed, so I went back out to the kitchen, made popcorn came back in and continued on with our night like it never happened.
I've never hit anyone or thrown anything, and I don't recall ever having screamed or cursed at a guy. I've had little arguments and disagreements with dudes, but not anything I'd consider a major fight. Most stuff isn't worth fighting about, and I don't deal well with yelling so if anyone starts that shit with me, I tell them to take it down a few notches. If they don't, I walk away.
Dude I dated when I was a lot younger was an ass and tried to pick fights constantly. He'd yell, curse, insult me, throw shit in my face that I'd told him in confidence, and made threats on a regular basis. Fuuuu. That's not love. If you intentionally hurt the people you care about, there is something wrong with you.