Spineshank - Anger Denial Acceptance

There was one summer where I got drunk pretty much every night. I had just graduated college and was working a shitty desk job for a mid-sized printing company and would spend my day slacking off and listening to music. My usual routine was to grab a 30 pack of beer and go sit on my back porch and listen to old metal, punk and hardcore cassettes until I got bored enough to go to bed. Eventually I got tired of this and decided that instead of just getting drunk and doing nothing, I should get drunk and do something. Naturally, I decided I should write. So I came up with the idea to start a zine with my own set of rules and call it Crap Rag.

The rules were simple. I had to be drunk to write anything and I had to do it all on my own. Also, I wanted to interview a bunch of straight edge bands and accuse them of ridiculous shit. I got to work slowly with interviews of Anti-Wasteoids (now Mindset) and xRepresentx. While I had my share of laughs, it wasn't enough, I had to do something more. That is when I noticed Silent Civilian was coming to town.

I had never heard the band, but I knew that the singer Johnny Santos sang for industrial nu-metal band Spineshank. I know opportunity when it knocks and here it was rapping at my door. Here was my chance for an interview with a real Grammy nominated star.

I arrived that night early and took my place at the bar for a plethora of $2 miller lites. My nerves were out of control and I knew I was going to need some liquid courage to talk to this wizard of metal. I sat through some horseshit bands including the putrid Silent Civilian. A night of atrocious metalcore is only eased with a copious amount of beers so I wasn't shy about it. When Santos slithered his greasy body off stage I decided to give him some time to slurp in some more breaths. I needed a few moments too.

I picked up a shitty bar magazine and borrowed a pen from the bartender to look professional. I hadn't had any questions planned, but I knew this would all come natural. I very slyly made my way up to Santos and very awkwardly stood over him and some bar slag. I made my presence clear as I announced "Johnny Stamos! Hey can I do a quick interview with you for a metal magazine?" Clearly un amused, he reluctantly agreed. I was in!

First question; "will your band ever be as good as Pantera?"

I gotta give Santos credit, he tried to answer. First he chuckled at the question, but I was serious and asked for an honest answer. He tried to give some diplomatic response like some kind of metal politician. Fortunately, I was drunk and answered for him. "The answer is no Mr. Stamos" I slurred. "Who is this guy?" he asked to no one in particular. Obviously, I had blown my big interview at this point, but then something happened. "And its Santos, not Stamos!" yelled Johnny Santos. I hadn't even noticed I was calling him John Stamos, prefect fluky brilliance. I had my story and I knew it. With a great smile I pranced out of that shitty club like I just had tea with the Elector of Saxony.

It's been many years since this incident, but not much has changed. Johnny Santos is still making shitty commercially friendly music and having very limited success. Anger Denial Acceptance is the title of this record and seems fitting. Angry that they never took off, Spineshank seem to be in denial of their inability to thrive and need to accept the fact that its time to hang it up.

Fuck you Stamos.

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